PRE-PRODUCTION: Motherhood Opening Script (Second Draft)

Here I have attached the pages from the opening script for Motherhood (Second Draft). Simon gave me feedback after the first draft and suggested some changes to make for improvement for the second draft. The changes made include ensuring I am using American terms throughout such as 'Mom' instead of 'Mum' and using American titles for characters including Detective Reed, who I initially had titled 'Inspector'. Although, an Inspector is a titled used for the American policing system, I decided that Detective was much more suitable and recognisable to audiences. I have also added some more description for the locations, to set the scene. Another pointer that was flagged up was the use of the term 'neighbour', suggesting that it could sound too British. I had not thought about this prior to writing the script. However, I have since researched the term and the variations including 'neighbourhood' are in fact Americanised terms as opposed to British terms. Therefore, I have continued to use it for this draft and throughout the project. However, looking back now, I am still not completely sure about some of the story elements in the script, and think I would like to make further changes to some of the scenes to dramatise them a little more.